So, the divorce is still happening, in fact Monday marks the 6 month period I had to wait to file here in Florida, then the ball will finally be rolling, I am just ready to not be in limbo of not living here long enough and all that. So we will see. yesterday would have been our 5 year anniversary. I spent the day working trying to take my mind off the last 5 years. As much as I want this divorce and know that it is what needs to happen, it makes me sad at times.I feel like I am losing my identity, the identity that I had for those almost 5 years. I fear that I will be alone, and yeah everyone says oh you're young, pretty ha, etc you won't end up alone, but who can really say what will happen?? I thought I had found that person years ago, but I turned out to be wrong. I don't think anyone ever gets married thinking in 5 years they will no longer be together. More than that I miss being a wife, yeah our marriage was terrible but I had that security and I enjoyed doing the wifely things, even though looking back they were very unappreciated.
Justin wrote me a letter, well rather typed one up and sent it to me, basically saying sorry for the last 5 years and how he failed and all that jazz, wishing he could change things, in a way it was nice to see it in writing that he knows he wasn't focused on our family and then the other part of me was upset, why write it all down now? When it doesn't matter and it's too late.
Wow, I am rambling. But things are starting to come together.
I will be back with some fun things to blog about, lets face it no matter the circumstances divorce sucks.
But I know I will get through this and I will be a better and stronger person.
Even when "its for the best" divorce sucks! I know how you are feeling and it hurts regardless! Keep your head up, sometimes things need to end so better things can begin!
ReplyDeleteit's a step in the right direction! i pray that you guys can get to a point where you guys can feel like a "family" even though you're not together anymore (not sure if it's coming out right but i know when i left sean, that's what i wanted. especially for the girls. yes it's a different family, but a family all the same.) everything will be alright! jam out to bob marley in the meantime ;) he's good at lifting spirits! love you girl!
ReplyDeleteit's good to hear an update from ya!
ReplyDeleteI'm still sorry about the divorce- i can only imagine how tough it is.. but, as long as you know and feel it's for the best, then i wish you the best of luck as you start to get everything finished! hang in there girl! <3
Hugs. I miss your blogging a lot! I know things are rough, but I know you're strong enough to hold on. <3
ReplyDelete